Barber, the baseball sportscaster long associated with the Brooklyn Dodgers and, later, with National Public Radio, might have called it this way:

"China up to bat for the communists. Great Britain on the mound for the imperialists. Brit goes into the wind-up ... here comes the pitch ... Oh, doctor, it's a big, fat, high, slow, hanging Hong Kong curve ball that seems to be spending an eternity right over the plate. The Brit is gonna wish he had that one back. China has an opportunity to knock this baby right out of the economic ball park!"

Enter the color commentator: (Red didn't have one in his day, he did both jobs, but let's pretend.)

"Thanks, Red. Of course, China has no intention of knocking the ball right out of the economic ball park. Instead, China will probably ... yes, China squares off and is going to BUNT."

You see, the way China plays ball is a little unfamiliar unless you have studied history. China bunts down the third base line, then threatens to clobber anyone who makes the play at first. Then, they walk the bases in triumph. For this team, a bunt is a political home run.

"Their next move, Red, will be to take out the umpire, and I mean that quite literally."

The baseball analogy aside, what does China really want?

World domination? Or as Nixon and Kissinger thought, do they want Levi's, Coca-Cola, and the Hard Rock Cafe?

Seems to me they want the good life and are bent on becoming capitalists, as long as they can do it without capitalism or democracy.

Having the free enterprise economic jewel of Hong Kong lets them play -- and win -- in the real big leagues, while pretending to play by the civilized rules of the rest of the world. Information, and its free flow, is what makes the world go around today, and it went around very quickly and efficiently in Hong Kong. That is likely to stop.

At this writing, China is sending 4,000 Chinese Army troops into the 402 square miles of Hong Kong by land, sea and air -- just to remind us spectators up in the stands that they still know how to move guys with guns around in a hurry and that they can cover the exits quickly. No doubt this is just the down payment on lots more guys just like them.

At this writing the elected legislature is being replaced with a decision-making body appointed by Beijing. And political protests of any kind will now require a permit.

So, coach, you say you don't like the call? Well, come on down to the plate. The umpire's already sprawled out on his back. The league commissioner is up in the press box and he's got all the guns pointed at you. Go ahead, kick up a little dirt. (By the way, I hope you have a permit to protest that call.)

It turns out that the people of the Soviet Union, another player in this same league, wanted houses and hedges more than they wanted house arrests and hegemony.

That's why they're not the Soviet Union any more.

Author, medical doctor and spiritual theorist Deepak Chopra says that the Soviet Union was defeated not by Star Wars, but by a soap opera called "Dallas." It seems that J.R. and Bobbie and Jock and Miss Ellie and Pam and Sue Ellen were completely manipulated by other people, drank a lot, were miserable all the time had a ton of cool stuff.

In other words, they were just like Russians, but had a ton of cool stuff. Once we exported "Dallas," Chopra says, it was all over for the Soviets.

Back to the game at hand.

"So, Red, who's up next on China's eastern division schedule?" the color commentator asked.